Dear Car Owners…
If you own a Chevrolet Silverado and the colour of the car isn’t silver (or something similar…I’ll accept grey), I will key your fucking car and kick the fucking bumper off. I will flush the coolant and then fill it with pee. I will crawl under the chassis and puncture the gas tank. Then I will smear poop on the inside of the radiator so that you’ll start the car and 2 miles down the road wonder, “What the fuck is that smell?”
Answer: my poop bitches.
Love Dee
Dear Nyc Buildings Department:
I am the one keying your fucking white Prius’, you cunt faced fuckers. You are ruining my life therefore I will take the only anonymous action I can. You smug bitches who don’t want to spend a bit more and get a decent fucking car. Did you know that the Prius doesn’t make up for the fact you still have two Hummers in your garage? Of course you don’t care just only want to score that government tax credit and the other incentives that come with it. Fuck you.
Love Dee.
Dear Incompetant House Owners
Thank you.
Thanks to you, I’m able to sit on my lawn chair and just watch people slip and fall on your iced side walks that you didn’t even bother to salt or shovel.
I love it much so when its the old people who fall. They do try not to fall by creeping across the ice but as nature intended, no success. I did have to get up once to help some old guy who I thought died when he fell, but asides from that incident, what a lol-er watching old people fall.
Even better is watching those cocky ghetto kids who do their cocky stride walk, who think they’re impervious because they have their Timberland boots on, but oh on.
CRACK. What is that? Is that your pride that just shattered as I’m laughing at you along with the ice under you?
Why yes it is.
-DbL
Dear Environmentalists
Today’s weather reached about 10 degree Fahrenheit. Way below freezing.
Hey Environmentalists and Al Gore Fan Club Members…
WHERES YOUR FUCKING GLOBAL WARMING NOW HUH?
KISS MY SNOWBOARDING-WINTER LOVING-GLOBAL WARMING SKEPTICAL ASS, BITCHES.
I threw myself a Mardi Gras style ticker tape parade for the occasion. Now how many trees were cut for my one man celebration?
Try and stop me you tree hugging bitches.
-DbL
